Monday Mindset : Quit Playing The Victim

Monday Mindset with Josh High
November 07, 20224 min read

Monday Mindset

"Victims of circumstance believe they have no power over their lives, since they are merely the play-things of fate. Since they believe this, it is therefore so.”

- Stephen Richards

Quit Playing The Victim.

I want to talk about a very serious issue that we deal with in our society today. 

Victim mentality.

No one is born a victim. Victim mentality is a learned behavior. We all have our ups and downs in life, bad things might happen to you, but it is not those bad things that are preventing you from reaching your goals, it’s how you respond to them.

It’s very easy today to have a victim mentality. It’s easy to sit and complain about the things that are going on around you, but it becomes dangerous when you start to claim that these things are never your fault, and you are reluctant to take personal responsibility, asserting that the circumstances aren’t in your control.

It’s important to recognize this behavior, because ultimately Blaming, Complaining & Defending (BCD) is not going to get you anywhere. 


Here are 5 signs of ‘Victim’ Mentality, according to Psychologist Leslie Becker-Phelps, PHD.

  1. You feel powerless, unable to solve a problem or cope effectively with it. 

    Challenge: What can you do to help yourself? Even if you are faced with a situation that can't be fixed, think about what resources are available to help you through the situation more effectively.

  1. You tend to see your problems as catastrophes.

    Challenge: Be on the lookout for exaggerating how bad your problems are. Ask yourself: “What’s the worst that can happen?” Then follow up with, “How can I cope with that?”

  1. You tend to think others are purposefully trying to hurt you.

Challenge: Is it possible that you are seeing a malicious intention that’s simply not there? Consider the other person’s perspective and what other motives they might have.

Even if certain people do want to hurt you (or have purposely hurt you), are there others who are supportive and show they care? By recognizing these latter relationships, you can see yourself as a victim in a situation without identifying yourself (your whole being) as a victim.


  1. You believe you alone are targeted for mistreatment.

Challenge: Think about others whom you know personally, or whom you’ve heard about, who have been treated poorly or victimized. They might have experienced similar problems to yours, or very different ones. Either way, allow yourself to be aware that you are not alone in being treated poorly.


  1. You hold tightly to thoughts and feelings related to being a victim.  You also refuse to consider other perspectives for how to think about and for how to cope with your problems.

Challenge: Focus on what you can do to help yourself now, and consider what you might do differently in the future to discourage being victimized again. Also, talk with others whom you respect and be truly open to considering their input.

Victim mentality is not something you're born with. You have the power to overcome it.

You are the only one who controls your actions. You might not be able to control others, but you control how you react to them. You control who you spend your time with, and where. Realize your potential and get in the driver’s seat of your life. 

Whatever results you are getting is because you are allowing them to happen. When you take this extreme ownership approach, now all of a sudden you can not accept any outside influences.

This is something that Urban Meyer talks about a lot- living “above the line. This has become a standard for me in my life and it’s a standard for our company culture. If you’re living “below the line,” then you’re blaming others, complaining and defending yourself for your shortcomings. Instead we need to take that extreme ownership approach and ask ourselves how we can live “above the line.”

The market is shifting right now in real estate. If my team is not performing, it would be easy for me to sit back and blame their performance on the market shift and the fact that sellers still think it’s a hot market.

Instead, I need to take responsibility, and ask myself what I can do as a leader to live “above the line,” and control the things that I can control. The market is not one of them, so I need to shift my mindset. At the end of the day there are still many things that my team and I can focus on being our best at. 

That is how you get consistent results.


Josh High

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